ghostly

Reality knocks on my door, and I'm about to cry

I tried to shut down the world, but it's time to say goodbye

You and I will live and die...well, so what?

Because I want to be with you,

because I want to be with you,

because I want to be with you

until I die.

RADWIMPS - 七ノ歌

Some days, I feel like I'm not even there. A ghost.

Also, I experienced a brain orgasm today. Most uncomfortable feeling, EVER. I feel sick just thinking about it...however, through it, I learned something about myself:

1. Testing the limits of my physical being is not my thing.
2. Testing the limits of my imagination and my courage is totally my thing.

Anyways, I'm not particularly looking forward to tomorrow. I feel like if I carry out the 'plan', I'll completely lose a part of myself, and I can only imagine feeling worse than I felt today.

gimme gimme gimme

Lately, I've been having a love-hate relationship with eating. It scares me, alot. I feel all kinds of pressure to be thinner, to be prettier, to be skinnier. Then, the next minute, I think to myself, "Wait, my body isn't that bad, right?" Then the next, I think, "I'm a fucking fatass." Just contradictions everywhere. akshfkaslflasdg. So there are times when I want to avoid food as much as possible, and then the next minute, there's something that I ABSOLUTELY need to have something in my mouth. I hate this. I just want to be content with myself, for once.

Also, procrastinating is turning into a huge problem. It was normal at first, but now it's escalating at a rapid pace. Fuck everything. I'm not happy anywhere.